Family woes

SO ever since my Daddad(great grandpa) died 5 years ago, my Nanny's (great grandma) health and mental state has been declining. She has been in and out of the hospital since then, last year we visited her during christmas in the hospital. she got better and then two months ago she was admitted into the hospital again. My family went to visit her and she didn't know the month or year or anything like that at all. When we saw her 2 months ago she was herself... but now she is like a stranger in a familiar body.....At least she still knew who we were...I guess...

The sad part a close friend of mine went through almost the same thing just this pass year, they didn't know it was coming......we've known something was going to happen eventually just not when.


We just finished clearing out her house she ismoving to a home....

car

Fuckin a my car had no troubles been driving it for weeks today started up fine in the morning and everything get to pet smart go in pick up my beautiful pup ad go to vehicle to head home just now and guess what the flipping car does not start joy

My Laptop is Fucked

So there I was typing along frantically trying to finish my story for tomorrow's reading to my class, when bam my computer decides to commit suicide again.... this time I can still work on it, but not that well, if you wish to see my computer ask to see I have a picture of this thrice accursed computer on my iPhone.

I'm Back

Hello everyone,
I am back sorry for the delay in my blogging posts but I have relapsed on my addiction.........my addiction for reading FanFiction. We all know how addicting it can be, my life has basically been one giant clusterfuck....... seriously between numerous school assignments, more forms to fill for my exchange, and just life in generally there has been absolutely no time for just me, other than right now..... I am currently waiting on my mother who has had some kind of P.D today after school, meaning I am sitting in the car typing this up.. So this weekend my parents left my sister and I all by our lonesomes I drove my parents to the airport Friday evening, and they came back Sunday night. All weekend I spent painting my room, fdriving to the dump, and driving my sister to her Christmas Part.....joy   I_I .... not really.... Anyways when my mother and father got home, and I asked them about the flight,.... because it was my mother's first time flying, my father told us the story and then proceeded to tell my how long my flight will be.....He surmises that it will be 10  1/2 hours   10.5 hours on a plane no change of plane no stops.... and it is the first time I will have flown, first time leaving the country without my parents, and I will be by myself.........Ya my thoughts exactly....... Tchuss!!
Oh and I am going to drop my math classes so that I do not have a brain anneurism....

Summer

Summer is here and school is done. Why must it be so, I cannot function unless I have stuff to do. i.e. homeworks, school assignments. Other summer were okay I had tons of books to read, and we went to lakes the majority of the time. This year no books, no lake, and no stuff to do. I am so bored I am doing puzzles which I usually refrain from doing unless it is storming and the power is out. I do have  Japanese homework but that is simple, just memorize and learn the 46 characters in the katakana alphabet. *sigh* I wish school was starting already.

I'm back

Hey every one I'm back. The last month and a half has been super crazy for me, and I've barely have had time for myself, but now I do since finals started on thursday, and my next four finals should be easy. Art, & German on Monday, German on Tuesday, and Japanese on Wednesday. The reason why I didn't post on Thursday when my finals started, well one, my laptop crashed and I haven't set up my main computer, and two I had my  Math A30 final on Saturday, in otherwords, I was panicking cause my laptop crashed and I needed it for my finals on Friday, and on Monday, and I was cram studying for my math final. But as you can tell I am no longer in panic mode because Friday afterschool I went to my uncle and aunty's place and my uncle fixed my laptop.  :D  And of course math final is over so I am just waiting to see my marks, and whether or not I received the credit. Tchuss!

Untersuchungsprojekt

Hier ist mein Untersuchungsprojekt. Es ist gerade erst begonnen und es ist am entartete Kunst.

http://entartete-kunst.wikispaces.com/Wilkommen

Das Projekt ist fur meinDeutschklassean der Schule.

New Blog

I got accepted to go to Japan this March and as promised I made a new blog http://japanexchange2012.blogspot.com/ .

Englisch Klasse

Urg!! Today in English my class is making a list of qualities of Greatness. We are currently at the stage where we are eliminating things that we do not agree with. Two of the things I was not convinced were strong moral compass, and hope. The first one was deleted from the list no problem, the second..... not a chance.  We spent the last part of class clashing over whether or not there is such a thing as hope. My standpoint, no, the rest of my classmates, yes. This would have been a whole lot easier if I was not the only bleak person in my class. I made valid points to my cause using real life examples, and from personal experience, and people I am friends with, and they were all shot done. Thanks........It is annoying how I am the only one in my class whom thinks of the bleak reasons.

The Muse

So tomorrow at school in period 1 there is a Literacy for Life presentation on "The Myth of Beauty", and since I am the Junior Editor in the English department, I am attending. Which also means that I "unsettling one that likes upside down pentagrams" must write a write up about the presentation. Joy!!!!!!....... not..... But whatever I signed up for this, and I must deal with my decisions. Oh well it will look good on my resume, eh? Not to mention as I get more seniority, it will become more enjoyable, isn't that how these things work.

LOL

So my little sister (cousin, whom lives at my place) is thinking about getting snake bites(two piercings on bottom lip) - I had them once upon a time - but anyways she asked me if she got them this week what she should do, spikes, balls, or hoops...............
my answer spikes,
she asks why, 
youll learn when ya r oldr :D,
Alicia! Think of who you are talking two :) and are you talking about why spikes,
ya,
oh is it cuz when I make out with sum one i will stab them??,
LMFAO na na u will learn ltr, my young child,
 Just tell me god damn it! and im not a virgin to kissing!! Lmfao,
ask your piercer if ya really want to know lol ,
lol okay i will!!!!!!!!,
just say that my cousin says i should go with spikes and she wont tell me why

and that pretty much sums our conversation up, she is so innocent!!!!!!!! I want to see her face when she finds out lol!!!!!!!!!! All this talk of piercings, reminds me I want more!!!!!!!!! I've had to take my labret out so the only facial ones I have are my nose ring, and eyebrow, and iv'e had to take out a few of my ear piercings, so I only have7 ear piercings all together, and then of course I used to have my belly bottom but I took that one out because when I rode my horse my piercing would always get either caught on my jeans, or jammed up against the saddle horn, not the best feeling, if you ask me........

here is a list of the piercings I want before the age of 25, which is in 9 years

- tongue
-industrial x 2-4
-more ear piercings at least 10 more : )
- maybe another labret now that I don't have to play clarinet anymore or flute for that matter
- belly button - I miss it : ( -

I'm not sure though what with the whole Japanese Exchange maybe happening in my life now, I wanted to get my industrials for my birthday this year (March 6-Sweet Sixteen) but by that time I had already applied for the exchange program, ad apparently in Japan, the school's don't let there students have visible piercings or tattoos, while school is on. Meaning that If I do go to Japan I would have to take out all my piercings before going to school, then hope that the holes don't close up, before putting them back in after school, and what with my quick healing of flesh wounds......You can see my dilemna. I would already have 9 piercings to take out, so......... Ja ne!!!!

pets.........

So my family has added to our number of pets..... We now have 6 fish ( soon to be more ), 4 dogs, 2 cats, and 5 horses.... If you thought that is lots, we have had loads more we once had at one time 21 dogs, 6 cats, 20 fishies, 3 finches, 2 hamsters, and 4 horses all at one time....... I am not even gonna mention the birds ( chickens, turkeys, geese etc.) that we were raising at the time..... Anyway back to the new fish, my kid sister and I have named 4 of them Bubblebrain ( B.B ), Helmethead, Incardadine, and Goldie. We are letting my brother and his girlfriend name the other two when they come home from Edmonton for the holidays.

Portfolio among other things

I handed my portfolio in yesterday. WOOT!!! Two days early, I am no longer a procrastinator.... Teehee okay maybe I still am, but whatever, I believe that was the first assignment this year that I've handed in before the due date. Yay me!!!! Okay this is sickening, me and happy do not mix......... at all.  So I've handed all my assignments in on time this week which is surprising, due too advancies being major procrastinators, but whatever.  In art for my major acrylic study I have decided on what I am doing. An Asian Dragon fighting a Western dragon in the sky - which is going to be a red sunset - overtop a Japanese field torn by war, where a vampire(united states) will be feasting upon Haku ( a japanese anime character ). Can anyone guess the theme????? You got it it's WWII.   Japanese fighting the American's - which I think of as being a bloodthirsty vampire- and the red sunset....... Japan, origin of the sun!!!!! Hopefully it turns out good. 

child abuse ( humorous essay)

Tell Me what you think, p.s these views are not my  own

Child Abuse made me the way I am, I’m successful, so it is good thing.

                Society claims that child abuse is detrimental, to the child’s psyche and wellbeing.   But, is it really? Child abuse is defined as the physical, sexual, emotional mistreatment or neglect of a child.   I believe that child abuse only strengthens the child,  and prepares them for the real world.   What doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger, as the saying goes.

I attended a Christian Academy until the tenth grade, while attending that, thrice accursed school, for the majority of my life, I began to hate all things Christian, and all things society deemed as “good” or “proper.”   In the academy, the teachers, and officials held all things society, and the school thought of as “bad” or “evil” right in front of our eyes, but just out of our reach. I and one other fell in love with the unattainable, and whatever was thought of as bad.

   In tenth grade I started attending public school, where all things originally thought as unattainable, suddenly became within my reach.   And so began the downwards spiral into my success.   All that I am today is all due to the abuse I received as a child, including the bullying, my peers, suffered unto me.  

Child abuse is just a juxtaposition of events that in the end helps children all over the world. By learning to bear with the pain, children are learning a lifelong lesson.   Never trust anyone, other than yourself, and how to grin and bear it, or to live without thinking much on abuse.   I learnt this lesson, the hard way, and at a young age my next door neighbour, sexually abused me many times, before my parents noticed what was happening.   My naivety died then and has stayed dead.   My eyes were finally opened to the reality of the world, and I overcame my weakness, I was no longer an insufferable weakling in the world.   In a way, I am grateful to the neighbour whom in my childhood abused me. If not for my neighbour I would not be the person I am today, that is, I would not be rich and successful.

The afore mentioned lessons are important, and one’s I have taken to heart.   Only a select few of my closest friends, of the few friends I have, know all that there is to know about me, and I trust them to keep quiet on my secrets, and to not sell them to the highest bidder.   This is another lesson, which children whom are abused learn, they learn whom to trust and whom not to trust.    It is a harsh lesson, which usually is filled with mistakes, but after it all is said and done, the child learns, and adapts.  

Children who are abused learn at an early age that the world is not all sunshine, and rainbows, as children whom don’t grow up being abused, rarely learn until much later in their life.    Making those children overly naïve, and unknowing of the true harshness of the “real” world.   Being abused frees children from weakness, and makes them more mature, than the other children.   Being more mature, the children, can learn better and quicker, and be less of a bother to the rest of the world.   Being abused increases a child’s learning skills, and increases their intelligence, don’t all parents want their children to be smart.

I know that, for one, I, if I ever had children that lived past the fetus stage, would want my child to succeed in their academic studies, and be successful in life, like I am currently.   I would not wish being an onerous weakling on anyone, especially not my own child.   Having a weak insignificant child would be a kick in the face, and to say the least, shameful.



Computer Abuse

I am seriously going to kill my laptop, whether it likes it or not. The bloody thing killed my essay that I spent 6 hours on, for my English class at school. GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! It was for my portfolio and the portfolios are due next week. I have to have everything done for Tuesday so I can get staples to bind it for me, so that I can have the final copy to hand in on Thursday. Me kill laptop now! It was humorous, now it is serious, cause I have forgotten the humor! Blah!!!!! Didn't help after my essay died, people were asking about it, and wanting to read it!

sitting in Japanese class......

My life is a little lax right now, so I finally have time to post something. Actually I am supposed to be reading but whatever..... For my english class I am writing a humorous essay on child abuse, currently its 2 and a half pages long, but it wasn't yesterday. Yesterday it was only 2 pages long and I asked my english teacher, if it was the proper format for the humorous essay. It was but guess what? I forgot to add the humour, apparantly it was very persuasive and had many fine points, but not enough humour. Now it does I think....... but I'll have to ask my teacher on friday, when we have our next workshop sessions. And I have made a decision......, I am only bringing my poetry, so my columbian friend may become inspired to write his own poetry. I am not letting the tall beast who is oh so childish read my poetry ever again. It surprised me when he asked if I had any of my poetry on me doing history class, I wasn't aware at the time but he likes my style of poetry. Real shocking to one such as I. I few other classmates of mine enjoy reading my poetry, and stories, and I have no idea why. Tchuβ

English

The people in my english class really bug me somedays. Right now we are working on our english portfolios, and we have workshop sessions, where we bare our work to our class. I am doing the creative portfolio, which involves poetry, and all of my poetry is based off my real life situations, memories, and feelings. I am generally a shy person, who doesn't like sharing my real emotions to other people. Then these workshop day's come and my peers say they don't understand the meaning in the poem, or they say that the poem has no rhyme scheme ( when it's not supposed to, and I even tell them that ), and they say that my style of poetry writing is confusing. It is a style I've seen other writers use, and its how the words come out on the paper. I am really starting to regret ever bringing my poetry to the sessions. Too many comments about my poetry, that my peers seem to think is about a fictional character, when its actually my thoughts, my feelings, and my memories that they are bashing.

Fading

Taking a look at my life

All I see is pain

Beneath my skin, a pain

A pain I cannot bare alone

My best defense

Was running to you

But now that is no more

My hopes are forever fading

You were once beneath my skin

But you have now forsaken me

For another, and now

It is already over

You were there when I fell

As I reached towards you

No more will that happen

And my defense has now shifted

It is more destructive

And causes more pain

If I fade from this world

Know… it is on you

Here is an example of one of my poems my classmates bashed.

Insomnia

You know being an insomniac is a real bother. True one might be able to do more homework or cram for exams, or work on assignments due in the morning. But insomnia is a right bitch!! Everyone I know takes sleep for granted and it bugs me. Then they wonder why I make sardonic comments about sleep. My driving instructer when I was taking my learners a while back talked a whole hour about getting the proper amount of sleep before driving. Something about it being good for you, and you can function your best when you get 8 hrs a night. Stop fooling around, no high school student gets 8 hrs a night, and definitely not me. The longest I am able to sleep is maybe 3-4 hours if and only if I am lucky. My mother even went to the doctor after she finally noticed that I was awake longer than I should be, and finally got me medication. And did it work, you ask? Nope, not a single bit, just like those stupid anti-depressants I was forced to take. Obviously those didn't work, not that she knows, but whatever. I've given up hope of ever actually getting to sleep. I now usually spend all night reading, writing, or just staring off into space hoping that I finally will fall asleep. Well I have got to go my puppy is glaring at me.

...

So i thought about killing myself the other day again. I really need to stop thinking like that, but it is a thought
process that one can't just get rid of. Very much like the addiction of cutting myself. I still think about it everyday, about the rush, the pain, the blood, and the overwhelming feeling of peace, after the initial cut is made. Talking about it right now makes me want to cut, if only even a little slice. But I made my promise and
I have to stick to it. No matter if I want to or not. Somedays I regret making that promise, but what's done is done. Nothing one such as I can do about it now.....

Hajimemashite

Hajimemashite! Watashiha Alicia desu. I really hat waiting don't you? I have to wait another month, till I find out if I got accepted or not. Urg!!! I'm not the most patient of people to start with, and I've been waiting since mid-march. I hope I get accepted though. I really want to go to Japan.